I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
