i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
