Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
