Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Nicole vs. Life
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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