your thong is hanging out like whoa
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
