I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Drunk is a universal language darling
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