Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
