mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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