I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Randomize
