your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
