FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
