You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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