The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
