I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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