bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
