Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she peed on how many people?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize