I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
