i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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