Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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