You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
