I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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