My hair reeks of homosexuality.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
