Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize