You work out of a Hotel?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
