My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
