I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
