Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
