Your tits are I can't wait for
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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