I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
