the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
