farters have to be the big spoon...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
