I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
