I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
