I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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