Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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