I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
how drunk are you?
Several
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
