his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
