he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
