Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
