We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
