Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
