You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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