You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
