vagina is talking i cant
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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