i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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