My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
