This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Even my vagina gasped.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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