i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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