Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
