so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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