she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
