using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
