I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I cut my penus on the lid.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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