I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Help. Why am I so naked?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
