FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
