I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
