so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
