my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I smell stomach acid.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
