Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize