It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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