i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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