i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
