My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize