I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize