Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
