sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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