apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
