Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
