plz talk dirty to me
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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