Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
