she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
