I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
