I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
