You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
