If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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