More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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