Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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