does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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