You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
