Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
