just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Semen is not good for contacts.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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