Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
as a side note pls kill me
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
