how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
