I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
