guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Is Oprah even human
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
