Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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