At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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