thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
