i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
